I have another post I was working on today, but I had to get this one out there first.
I received such a whopping amount of kind words from my last post (https://mustangsabby.wordpress.com/2013/05/31/the-heavy-half/) both here and privately. It felt assuring to know I am not the only one who sometimes feels this way, and that none of my (non-virtual) friends think I am now a weirdo. (or at least, my weirdo factor hasn’t gone up… too much…)
I’ve often said this blog is my personal therapy, because writing *&^% down sometimes helps me to get it all organized in my head, and feel better afterwards. I do this blog mostly for myself, and to share my experiences with whomever wants to read out there in the world wide web. Will I ever want this place to go viral, like Beyoncé the 5ft metal chicken (Google it, folks), or become a full time gig? Nah… This is my space for me to simply put my words down, keep my writing muscle fresh, and share.
I’m so blessed to have such positive readers who do read, so to you, I say thank you.
I also want to say that because of the friends (some of who have commented here) I have made in this journey of running and fitness, I have been more my authentic self this past year than I have been in a long, long time. To be able to recognize when I wasn’t being truthful to who I was is a big step forward, giving me the courage to bust through the “you gotta’s” to just be me. Also meeting folks who are really 100% themselves helped me relax too. Maybe that is why I have been able to get back to blogging more consistently. I can express myself without fear of rejection. That lack of fear? Well, that has lead to me improving myself, not just being myself.
I was always too afraid to really proclaim my fun-love of rainbows and colour until getting back into running (Freak… Lesbian… Immature… what 30-something woman likes rainbows?). I used to be too nervous to go to group exercise classes (I won’t fit in… They’ll think I’m stupid… What if I can’t do it?). It had been a long time since I had met up with a group of strangers to go do fun things (I don’t know these people… I won’t be able to talk to them… they won’t talk to me…). Climb a wall or jump into water? (Heights… water… falling, drowning, dieing… Whaaaaaat?)
So all of that is pushing me forward and making me just “be”, even with some of the not so positive anxieties coming into play sometimes. All of this has got me here.
This is me, y’all. It is great. So thank you.