Memories of a Norwalk

Here are some thoughts that passed through my head on Tuesday night when I was camping out in the bathroom at 3 AM, very, very ill:

  1. I wish I could take my knees off, take them back to the Acme Body Joint Factory, and demand a refund. “These knees are defective! They hurt for no good reason! I want a new pair. Also, can you direct me to the returns counter for hips?”
  2. I have too much crap in my bathroom drawers. Do I really need sixty-bazillion bobbypins? How did I even come to own sixty-bazillion bobbypins?
  3. I need to buy new road running shoes for summer. I want pretty ones. Brooks stability are awesome but their colours suck. PINK! I want screaming, radioactive PINK, people! Us stability shoe wearers want the same attention to splashy, tacky styling that all you minimalist and neutral runner folks get. IT’S NOT FAIR!
  4. Why can’t I move my ship, dammit! *pokes iPad screen harder * MOVE, YOU IMBECILE, MOVE!” This game is broken, I hate it and I am never playing it again. One star rating here I come! Oh wait… My bad, that’s not a ship, its part of the background. I think it might be a tree…
  5. I wonder if I am going to freak out in the tunnels of the Boa Constrictor obstacle next month. That looks a little intense, now that I just watched that really scary video with the screaming girl in it. Must watch more, because exhaustion and pain make these kinds of things much less anxiety inducing.
  6. Jenna Marbles is not funny. I want to punch her. Kind of like how I want to punch that airhead from 50 Shades of Grey, or the effervescent Bella Swan. Jeepers, ladies, grow a pair, will ya? Whoa, I just used the word effervescent in a sentence. Next I am going to wax poetic about gossamer TP… Oi.

Things I have learned never to do while sick, bored, and camped out in the bathroom at 3 am:

  • Do not Google your illness symptoms. You will invariably think you are going to die.
  • Do not watch videos that make you giggle uncontrollably. That never ends well when you have a gastro. Jes sayin’…
  • Do not try to sleep. You will fall over. Ow. *rubs forehead*
  • Do not count your stretchmarks for something to do. You will descend into incalculable woe.

So y’all, I had Norwalk. That’s where I went all week. It was sheer delight and restful contemplation. Right. It was &$*@ing &%$*. I never want to do that again. Never, Like Ever. Sucking cannot even begin to describe it. *cue melodrama*.

The 3 hour tour started Sunday, and I finally saw the light (in the form of a bagel sandwich) yesterday. The S.S. Mustangsabby sunk, folks. It was not a happy time.

Hooo man, was I sick. Training took a backseat to simply sitting upright, running was abandoned in favour of shuffling between the couch, bed and bathroom. Eating was non-existent except for saltines, Nuun, and noodle broth. Words cannot describe the level of awesomeness I achieved as I assumed parts of my body were being torn asunder, and my organs were revolting the current working conditions of my body in a very active way. My hair hurt. Yes, my hair. Combing it was very ouchy. It felt like I was made of tissue paper and someone was raking me with sharp tipped scissors, or an indignant porcupine.

I impersonated a marathon runner after a race while walking, or maybe a zombie since I was so flippin’ exhausted, since there was no runner’s high associated with said shuffle. My toenails protested being put into socks. I could hear them chanting as I attempted to put on a pair to go to the doctor… “Equality for all metatarsals! We demand a recount! All the piggies deserve ice cream!” etc…

*ahem* Yeah…

Now back in the land of the living, both kids back to normal, and my husband so far not falling ill, I am ready to get back at it next week. I gotta!

Three weeks to taper!

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Memories of a Norwalk

  1. This made me laugh and laugh and laugh. I so enjoy your writing! Though… it really does suck you were so very sick!

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