I just read a post all about passion on the Success Your Way blog. I tend to view passions as something that defines who you are, and what you do, so I found it immensely thought-provoking, and thought y’all might too.
View the blog post here. Sherri, the blog writer, defines passion as such:
That ONE thing that excites you so much you jump out of bed each morning excited and enthused to do it.
That ONE thing, that if you had to, you’d do for free.
That ONE thing you know so much about that you could write a text book on the subject and you never get bored of learning more.
She then goes on to say that it can be difficult to define your passion, and some of the ways you can find them again, and how its ok not to know. There are more factors at play than meets the eye. Uh huh…
It made me think about my passions over the years, and wondering where they are now. It made me try and list my passions right now. It made me ask myself where the passionate and happy person I know I am went, along with all those ideas and ambitions. I think she ran away and joined the circus, or she’s still on vacation where there are lots of horses and muscular stable boys. Bon-bon, dear?
This blog post about passions poked one of the navel-gazy (Hey look… lint!) thought processes I have had since becoming pregnant with my second child. What are my true passions? How I am going to re-find Me when I have this baby? Who am I? Where am I? What makes up Me? The defineable laundry list of “things” and “ideas” is there, and I look through it now and again, and realize a lot of the list has not been touched for a long time. I can blow proverbial dust off of it. Heck, it was underneath the wrinkled shirt pile, abandoned sippy cups, and unfiled bills from two years ago.
Me, me, me… I know that sounds selfish, and I know I make light of it, but it is serious. As I look towards the impending birth of my daughter, I realize I need to focus on Me so that I can be the best mom and female role-model for her, and also for my son as he grows.
Right now, I don’t feel like I am. I feel like I am on autopilot, and I have placed a lot of my own passions aside for when we can afford it, when I have time, or some rainy Saturday afternoon when I am not trying to extract a toddler from the chandelier.
Since becoming a wife and mom, I have kind of lost Me, and poured all of my passion and myself into my family, especially my child. Since having children, I let my husband take the lead on a lot of decisions because I don’t have the energy or passion to make them myself. Its hard not to take on a follower role when you are tired. When your child is born, you are consumed with their needs, ensuring their welfare, stimulating their world. You take second place to that child’s needs since they cannot help themselves. Its exhausting.
Showers are a thing of the past. Sleep is overrated. Zombie-mom is in da houz.
But, gradually, as they learn to sit up, walk, use a spoon and a cup, talk, talk back, dress themselves, potty (please let that happen soon) and sleep through the night, you can relax and re-take human form – sort of. Phrases like “Please stop stuffing Goldfish up Daddy’s nose… Yes I know he’s snoring…” can turn you from Human Mom to Auto-Mom, repeating yourself over and over to the chorus of NO, or Quiasi-modo-Mom, running hunched over to save whatever fragile thing is in your son’s hand (read: iPhone, treasured first edition book, cheque from Sun Life).
After all that, you look in the mirror, realize you haven’t had a haircut in a year, the wrinkles around your eyes don’t make you look so wise after all, and you say “Hi there, who the [bleep] are you?”. (To which your child, in the next room, answers “MOMMY!”)
Passions? Ummm yeah, when I have my own time, I like to… ummm… *shrug*… stare brainlessly at a TV or computer until I pass out, wearing a stained, stretched t-shirt and yoga pants with a missing drawstring. Oh yeah… this invokes passion. Sexy.
With my coming year off on maternity leave, my inward thought-focus, and a new infant to be there for, I have resolved to refocus. I have determined I must ask for time for myself. I have to schedule my sanity breaks, and ensure my husband does too. And hopefully we don’t both need them at the same time. “But Honey, tonight its my turn to hide in the front closet…”
Having two children will be chaos. I realize this. Finding time and energy will be even more difficult than it was before. Deciding what to spend my limited Me-Time on will be excruciating. Balancing it all will be akin to standing on a rubber ball with a tray of Waterford Crystal in each hand. Brushing my hair or drinking tea while it is still hot may become a luxury. Learning to laugh about it and keep going will be immeasurable.
But I also know I will be able to handle the chaos better if I can rekindle my passions, get motivated, be happy, and find Me again. I need to in order to be my best – for me – and for them.
Otherwise I may just run away and join the circus, taking all my horses, stable boys, and bon-bons with me. ♥